it’s been a decade since the last time I remember talking to you
Read moreit’s been a decade since the last time I remember talking to you
Read morei’m sorry for being too much.
not me looking at a $8k 5-octave marimba and thinking “yeah, I could probably finance that shit if I stick to this new job and career path long enough”
i suffered a massive setback today and i honestly just want to curl up into a ball and cry more but i think i’ve dehydrated myself
the worst part is that i can’t even bring myself to talk about it because i’m the one who fucked up, as usual
it hurts.
i never want anyone to ever experience what it’s like to cry into your birthday cake in front of family.
i think things are finally turning around for me
i have never felt so utterly useless and worthless as i have this past year
i’m not happy with where i am and nothing i’ve done has made things better
and really, nothing else will at this point.
i feel like i’m trapped with no means of escape.
not that anyone needed to know but i’m still pretty fucking miserable and haven’t made any steps to change that because of just how discouraging everything is
best i can do is to keep smiling and pretending that everything is okay with me
holy fuck it’s only been three months since my last actual post what
i’m sorry i no longer have any redeeming qualities whatsoever
maybe this decade will be better than my last one
maybe this time, I can go from being a complete mess to being at least a little better at the end of this next decade
but who am I kidding, I will probably sink even lower or just not be here anymore
would be wild if hypothyroidism ends up being the answer to why i haven’t felt okay in a long while
i’m not even in my thirties yet
today was the first time in a very long time where I ended up holding eye contact with a stranger for at least three seconds and I felt like my existence was validated
that or I think I just look better with a facemask on or better yet, a paperbag with holes cut out so I can see
i don’t like me.